PDF Ebook Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, by Jean Illsley Clarke
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Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, by Jean Illsley Clarke
PDF Ebook Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children, by Jean Illsley Clarke
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About the Author
Jean Illsley Clarke recently authored two books, Connections: The Threads That Strengthen Families and Time-In: When Time-Out Doesn't Work, which received a Parent's Choice Award. She is a parent educator and a trainer of parent educators. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Human Development and was awarded an honorary Doctor of Human Services by Sierra University. She is a teaching and supervising member of the International Transactional Analysis Association and a Nationally Certified Family Life Educator. Last year she was named Distinguished Alumna of the Year by the College of Human Ecology at the University of Minnesota.
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Product details
Paperback: 336 pages
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing; 2 edition (May 5, 1998)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1568381905
ISBN-13: 978-1568381909
Product Dimensions:
7.4 x 0.8 x 9.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
63 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#149,755 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This gem of a book is tops on my list of "recovery, self-help" paperbacks. The copyright is dated 1989 and 1998. I found the perspective refreshing because the authors chose the word "uneven" to describe parenting which did not fill needs of children.Simple icons to represent ideas, such as triangles to represent the three crucial "hunger" elements every child needs to thrive, stimulation, recognition and certainty. They describe and compare nurturing styles, from abuse to neglect. This book defines structure and why it is necessary. Easily interpreted graphics support their ideas.I found the section on Denial useful because it included charts with levels of denial or discounting with specific examples and how those responses would look different with other nurturing characteristics.The Growing Up Again Section describes traits and developmental tasks various life stages encounter; prenatal, birth to 6 months, six to eighteen months, eighteen months to three years, three to six years, six years to twelve years to nineteen years, adults and those looking toward death. The update edition includes a section on adoption. Appendix A offers tools for Family Growth, Appendix B offers tools for personal growth.This book can be used by new parents and those "done" with parenting. For the latter, this book provides concrete examples of how to "re-parent" yourself in a more healthy, balanced, compassionate and aware way.
I cannot say enough good things about this book. I bought it after my therapist recommended it to me, and I fell in love right away. The authors explain that they don't call it family "dysfunction" because your family functioned...just maybe not so well. They argue that this is not a book to help you determine where to place blame. They take a very proactive, and in my opinion, a very healthy and well-adjusted, approach to healing from family pain and issues. Instead of being angry about what you didn't receive, they offer this approach instead - to be happy you can give whatever you need to yourself...now. In this way, this book is so empowering.The nurture/structure highway is AHMAZING. It helps me understand the different ways we can give/receive structure and nurture with a nice and clear visual. I also love the, what I refer to as, SRC triangle (structure, recognition and certainty). The book gives you just enough background and information so you can educate yourself, without getting too bogged down in clinical terms. It doesn't read like a college textbook - it doesn't really read as self-help either. It's more like a book I think everyone should read since we were all children once and had adults help us grow up.If you are expecting or ever plan to have kids too, I would HIGHLY recommend this book. I personally believe that I have grown a lot just from reading 2/3 of this book. It helped lessen my anger towards my parents, and see them as individuals with flaws and baggage from their own childhoods. It also helped me feel less victimized and more in control of what I do *now*.Seriously can't say enough good things. :)
I have used this book for parenting groups, for high school students studying human development, and for individual parents trying to understand how their parenting styles affect children's behaviors. Two illuminating charts illustrate 6 parenting styles for care & nurture, and for providing structure. One of my favorite features is an "Ages & Stages" section in the appendix. Each stage roughly correlates to Erik Erickson's stage theory and outlines the developmental tasks for that stage, a list of helpful as well as harmful parenting behaviors, signs that the stage may not have been successfully completed and ideas for "re-parenting" yourself to revisit that stage. People cannot help but come away from this books with new insights into their own behaviors -- in parenting their own children or reflecting on how they were parented. The writing is engaging, not pompous or stiff. I'm a family therapist, and this is one of my favorite books -- one that I frequently recommend to parents.
This is a wonderful book that we are using in therapy for parenting. I would highly recommend it to couples who are trying to get on the same page with their parenting style. Our therapist uses it with many people and has fantastic results. We are only on chapter 8 but it's already had a very positive effect on our children and our marriage.
If you have ever needed a Dr. Spock for the older child, look no longer. The insights into the child`s real messages is eye opening. Used by therapists to guide clients to help them see just what one didn't hear as a child, I find it even more helpful to guide parents is they go along. The author places types of handling reactions such as one's that invite more asking for the same thing over and over. For instance you may seem wishy washy with "We will see." when what you really think is " I`'ll put off answering and he/she will forget they asked for something."
Excellent resource that examines the causes and outcomes of dysfunctional parenting models and explores the corrective actions that can be taken at any age to implement and model healthy parenting skills
A Bible of parenting children, this book allows us to observe the ways in which we ourselves need new parenting messages. It offers the best guidelines I have found for balancing our expectations of others with our need for self-development. By paying attention to our feelings and reactions at the behavior of our children we are able to determine what we either missed, or received inappropriately; and in this way we have the opportunity to grow up again. Specific exercises and messages are introduced here for both children and their parents.Thank you most sincerely Jean Illsley Clarke!
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